This week we’re starting the tale of Church Universal and Triumphant AKA Summit Lighthouse and Mark Lyle Prophet and Elizabeth Clare Prophet, the next two goobers to take up the mantle of Accredited Messengers of the Ascended Masters. Reaching a moderate level of fame in 1990 for stockpiling guns and hiding in poorly constructed bomb shelters in Montana, Church Universal and Triumphant’s story is much deeper and weirder than all that. In part one, we learn about how plain talkin’ chowderhead Mark Prophet met Ascended Master El Morya, founded Summit Lighthouse, and came into holy matrimony with his “twin ray” Elizabeth. We also learn about the cosmic power of farts, mandatory enemas, the problem with meatballs, and all the unspeakable things you can do with a cube. Enjoy!